you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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