we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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