how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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