I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
