I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
