why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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