He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
