i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
