he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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