Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
