Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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