I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
