Barsexuality is the new black.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
