Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
