No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Duck Duck Cougar?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
