a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
