that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
