I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
