The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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