All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
