i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
