1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
