so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
