He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
