Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
