does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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