Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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