Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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