doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
