she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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