I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
