The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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