I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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