You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
