I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
