All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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