mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
