You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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