I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
