You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
