Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
