why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
