im about as happy as oj after his trial
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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