Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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