I'm going to jail i love you
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
