yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
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