first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
