K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
my liver is dry heaving
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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