Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
