I hate your face
oh god the rape fog is back!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
