Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
