Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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